Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Weekend of eating and singing?!... 2 days of work

I had another busy weekend. It's not something I plan for but it just happens.

On Saturday I met up with some friends for a greasy fry up for lunch! Something we do once a month just to catch up, but this time I had to help my recently made redundant friend to write his CV. It's quite challenging to write a CV for someone as you do not know their experience in depth and this was made more difficult when my friend could not provide anything positive to say about his last two jobs! But we did what we could and dressed it up without too many white lies...

Afterwards I went round to my uncles where I stuffed my face with salmon sashimi! I also played a couple of hands of poker with my cousins and trained a little on my arms. It was a bit of a big gathering actually with many friends of the family visiting too. Late on in the evening the karaoke machine was turned on and we spent the rest of the evening shouting out power ballads and losing our voices! It was great fun! From my 7 year old cousin through to her 40 year old dad... we belted out some classics! LOL

Sunday was much more laid back. It was spent round my friends house where we were celebrating his son's one month birthday. All I did was eat and watch TV. It was nice to see some old faces too and it's quite amazing how my friends of nearly 10 years are now fathers! I wonder when my time will come....

The weekend came to an end and I have been back at work for 2 days now. Monday was a fresh start with a new manager. It is going pretty well with more direction and focus. However today was a nightmare! And it started off so well! In fact I have been pretty happy at work for one and a half days just from talking on MSN to a friend... But like I said, it all came tumbling down today. For some unknown reason I lost the ability to update information on the company database! It just meant I could not do ANY work!! Really pissed me off and it's amazing how quickly you can fall downwards in a destructive cycle! Fortunately the database 'fixed' itself and I left the office knowing I can go back to work without any issues the next day!

I have next Monday off to meet a friend.... should be fun (or interesting at least!).

Friday, 23 February 2007

Been a busy week...

After recovering from my bout of flu in record timing I was back at work and in full swing. This week has been particularly busy with the celebration of Chinese New Year, meeting an old uni friend and also a friends birthday. Not to mention my ritual kick boxing!

But it's a good thing. The quicker the week passes the quicker I am into the weekend which promises to be even more packed! Firstly I NEED a haircut! I actually wanted it done last week, had I not been ill! Then I am booked up all Saturday working on my friends CV after he was made redundant last week! And then in the evening I will be round my uncle's house for dinner. And Sunday it is round my friend's house to celebtate his son's one month birthday. I don't even have time to breathe!

So what else have I had time to think about this week? Seeing that it is Chinese New Year I have been thinking about tradition. I find it very comforting that for my entire life our family has been very close. More on my mum's side of the family than my dad's. Nothings perfect in this world. But to have such close relatives and for all the cousins from my age down to a 7 year old to get on so well I am very grateful.

The tradition in our family for most celebrations and events throughout the year revolves around eating and talking followed by many rounds of mah jong for the oldies, whilst us younger family members are usually going out to play snooker, chatting or more recently, playing a couple of rounds of mah jong ourselves.

It has not been like this as the uncles and aunts were all pretty much working hard during the early periods of life. It is only in the last 10 years that we have really come together as a family and been able to enjoy life without the pressure of work. I guess it is down to the children growing up and relying less and less on the parents.

It won't be long now before my generation of cousins start families of their own with my cousin getting married in May and another planned for next year. It is exciting times and our family is due to grow again! At the moment it takes a mini car park to accomodate the cars needed to transport all the relatives to a restaurant and it won't be long before a family get together requires the booking out of an entire restaurant!

Anyway... I hope everyone had a wonderful time celebrating Chinese New Year with their family and friends and may this year bring everyone all that they want through hard work and laugher.

Monday, 19 February 2007

Feeling bad....

What goes up must come down....

From feeling great I have fallen victim to the bug that has been floating around recently. Knocked me out for nearly 2 days but luckily I seem to have a fast recovery rate. I woke up feeling shitty on Friday morning and by the afternoon I was knocked out. Over 30 hours spent sleeping, only waking up to take some medicine, by Saturday night I was feeling a lot better. But I did lose 5kg in weight!

It's only when you can compare the tough times with the good that you truly appreciate how good the good things are. I think, as people, we are always seeking to be happy when that is not possible. We look at the difficult times and question why we have to put up with it. Everything is relative. The good must come with the bad. We just have to be patient during the tough times and enjoy the good times when they arrive....

Thursday, 15 February 2007

Being good

From my last blog of telling you how good I feel, I think it should be noted that it comes down to being good.

To kick things off I stopped smoking at the beginning of the year. On hindsight it's strange that I was ever compelled to smoke in the first place. It is such a distant memory that it requires thought to realise I used to smoke!

Secondly I have maintained a consistent regime of exercise comprising of kick boxing, going to the driving range and a bit of weight training at home. I am now looking to join a gym to increase my work out and regain some fitness that I once possessed! In terms of sleep I seem to be coping pretty well on 5-6 hours per night during the week days and having a full 8 hours over the weekends.

Finally, I have been lucky to find myself in a job where the people I work with are great. The work itself is very much within my capabilities and I could even take on more responsibilities really. And I find myself wanting to wake up every day and looking forward to going in to work!

This positivity has led me to being a lot happier than I have been before... and of course there has been some external help too! Which brings me back to the subject of being good. So I am being good to myself for once and looking to put myself first!

But then I was talking to the my not so familar friend, who I have only really seen twice and talked a bit online, and she said that I was a nice bloke. Obviously flattered, but also concerned that a girl can believe a guy is nice on the basis of two meetings... of limited time too! I wonder sometimes if it is possible to 'see' good in a person? Am I that different to anyone else? I tell people that I do good things, but how do they know if I am lying or not?

The people who read this and know me, also know I am not a liar and I do try to be nice to people. Sometimes to a point that my close friends feel I get used. And not in a good way! LOL But then I am not too bothered, those who are users will ultimately expose their flaws and I probably won't be seeing them very often... if at all. At the end of the day, what do I lose for being nice to strangers a couple of times? I get to find out their personalities, I spend a bit of money.... maybe on food, maybe on travelling or maybe I lose some time... but after that I know exactly what kind of person this new 'friend' is. I think it is a sacrifice worth giving. Don't you?

So.... I guess that being good to myself and to others is making me a happier person. I recommend that you try it and see how you feel....

Saturday, 10 February 2007

Feeling good


For the past month or so I have been feeling pretty good! I was quite surprised and really didn't notice it until someone asked me how I was. And I replied that I felt great!

Now it's a late Friday night and early Saturday morning and I have been awake for 19 hours! But I still feel great. Maybe it's because I haven't smoked for over a month now. Maybe it's because I feel great from kickboxing last night. I really cannot pinpoint it.... but I really did enjoy and have been enjoying kickboxing a lot recently. I find I am getting pounded quite a bit as I am a bit violent...in a controlled manner of course.... and getting hit a lot, but also landing a few shots of my own. I can feel the pain in places where I have been hit although there's no physical evidence to show for it!

Other than living a healthy lifestyle now, there is one other factor that might be the cause for this feeling of contentment and satisfaction... a person... more specifically a girl. OK.... nothings happened and somethings might never happen, but she has made me feel things I have not felt in a long long time! The quickening of my heartbeat when her name pops up on MSN. The excitement of seeing an email sent by her. The tingle in my ear as I hear her voice on the phone.

Admittedly this may be very one directional, and the fact there are 'complications', and I may be making a fool of myself... but hey! Who cares? I haven't felt this good in such a long time I'm not going to be bothered by what people have to say. I guess I have to look back at my previous entry and remain patient. I've been single for over 2 years now... I can wait a bit longer... I think?!

Anyway... moving on! Work is going quite well. I am getting to understand the company a lot better in terms of strategy and hierarchy. My work load is very manageable and quite pressurised too at times. Having to work in between 6 different time zones can be a challenge, but I enjoy it at times.

Within the family, my dad went in for a minor operation on his right shoulder. He had an 'aching' pain inside and the doctor performed arthroscopic surgery on him to alleviate the pain. He is now back at home and has made a good recovery so far. As will pretty much all operations around joints, there will be a requirement to undergo physiotherapy to ease the shoulder into motion again.

This year has been pretty good so far and it has been down to a number of things that I can physically see or do. But I think the main change is in my mind. Where I used to be very impatient and often looked for the 'short cuts' I am now enjoying my time and I find that time passes even quicker when I am being more patient. Weeks are flying by and I do not look too far forward now. I just try to live each day being happy and getting things done.

Life is quite simple really... it's all in our head the way we feel. We have a choice of how we want to feel and we know what we need to do to make ourselves feel a certain way. It's just a case of doing it.....

Monday, 5 February 2007

Arghhh..... and a long weekend


For the last 4 days I have been in pain. My back is aching, my neck hurts and it pains me to eat due to an inch long ulcer along my bottom lip. Why am I in such pain? Kickboxing!

It's probably my fault really. I had been sleeping very little prior to training and I was lethargic even before we started the class. I thought that once I had warmed up and got into full flow I would be ok, but I was shattered throughout! Even the warm up near enough wiped me out! But the worse part was when we started to spar. That was when the tiredness really came out and I could barely defend myself, hence an inch long ulcer from a cut after being punched in the mouth.

But I also managed to dish out a little pain myself too! I was about to be selfish and just take, take, take! I landed a few good punches and a decent kick into someone's ribs! That was Thursday night... and I was also surprised with an exchange of text messages throughout the night! And though I wanted to go to sleep early, I ended up on the phone to m friend for an hour!

Friday was very uneventful as I was in extreme pain and I really couldn't be arsed to do anything strenuous. I had a pretty quiet night in and just rested.

Saturday and Sunday were the busy days! And for those two days the only time I was really at home was when I was sleeping!

Saturday I took my dad to Hampshire Clinic where he is due to have arthroscopic surgery on his shoulder next week... followed by taking his car into Mercedes after his battery warning light came on. That was most of the morning over followed by loading some furniture into my car to take round to my uncle and celebrating my cousins 13th birthday AGAIN! The night ended after popping by a friends house to watch a DVD and by then it was 3am... by the time I got home and into bed it was past 4am...

Sunday I was up by 10am to go out to London to meet a friend for yum cha. The strangest thing happened on my drive when another friend I hadn't seen for a long time overtook me and waved! I met up with him and his wife and daughter briefly. One year olds are really cute! LOL

Anyway, I went to meet my friend for yum cha, did some baby clothes shopping for my other friends newborn son and then had some ice cream. I tried to get some sushi, but failed and my friends left to go home. I wandered around London trying to kill some time before meeting some other friends for a belated birthday dinner... but it was worth is as I haven't seen them in a long time and just had a good catching up session.

On my way home I dropped by my friends house and gave him the baby clothes. Stayed chatting to him for a few hours and finally got home around 1.30am! Slept for about 4-5 hours and then woke up to go to work....

Why do I punish myself so much!?!?

I guess I can still live with it now.... might as well put up with it whilst my body can still take it eh?

No pain, no gain....

Wednesday, 31 January 2007

29 Now and then.... Patience.... Babies...


Many of us are constantly thinking about our own lives and what we do with it. We reflect and we react. I also think about what I have done in 29 years of living (well, its actually my 30th year alive) and compare myself to my peers. Although I know I am in a better position than most, I also feel I could have done more. I SHOULD have done more.

When my dad was 29 he had been married for 4 years and a father to me for 2 years. He owned and ran his own business for 5 years. He had his own house and a car (Mercedes no less). And he was to become a father again very shortly to my younger brother. My father had arrive in the UK with nothing more than instructions to work to feed his family at the age of 16.

Looking even further back... When my Grandfather was 29 he had already been a father 3 times over. He had left his native home and travelled by boat for a month in order to reach England where he had to find his way to his friend in Jersey. He could not speak English and there were no mobile phones. When he was 29 he was in a business partnership with his friends and they owned 3 businesses and my grandfather also had his own business too.

From feeling a sense of success I look back and I feel humbled and an underachiever. If I go forward another 29 years.... my grandfather at the age of 58 had been a grandfather 9 times over. He was already close to retiring and he has established a steady income from rent for life. He goes about his day doing gardening, playin mah jong and visiting family and friends.

My father... he is only 56 so has another 2 years before living the second 29 year cycle, semi retired when he was 48. He afforded private education for both my brother and I. He has owned 14 Mercedes Benz only one of which was second hand. He has properties in London, HK, China, Macau and Taiwan. His elder son has a Bachelors degree and a Masters degree and works in a software company. His younger son owns his own business thanks to financial backing from our parents. My father has finished the mortgage on our 5 bedroom house worth over £500k....

The question I wonder is how far will I get in life after another 29 years. I have been brought up around success. Yet what can I demonstrate as success of my own?

Even my mum's youngest brother is demonstrating extraordinary achievement and success and he is only 40. I can remember when he was 29 and was merely working as a consultant at DataMonitor in London. He had been married for a couple of years, he was a father, and he had finished his Ph.D. not long ago. 11 years later he is the CEO of a £75million pharmaceutical company who has just bought out the company he used to work for and is now the boss of his previous employer....

I still have my chances and to be perfectly honest, I am well within my capabilities to exceed those around me. I just need to drive myself and make it happen.... which leads me onto Patience..



Patience. It is something our parents and our grandparents have. It is also the reason they have been so successful. Yes, the era we live in is faster paced with technology aiding the speed of business exponetially. But at all times, we need to be patient. Nothing happens overnight and everything takes time. Time which we, the next generation, do not have. We want things done yesterday. We EXPECT money to fall from trees. The reality is I have been very fortunate to come from a family whose success has brought wealth. I could be a lazy bastard and not work for the rest of my life and I would not starve. But I choose to earn my crust. It's my life and I am in control of it. But within that control, time is something I have not grasped until recently. At 29 years of age, I own my own car, a house and a flat. I still live with my parents as a means of reducing costs and I spend my money on crap most of the time... but recently I have improved. Firstly I have stopped smoking. and secondly I am not spending money on my girlfriend!

If I had been patient 10 years ago and taken my time, worked my way up in a steady job, I would probably be on £50-60K per annum as opposed to £20-30K I am on now! I would be living in my own house and possibly renting out a second too. In fact I would probably be in a better postion than I am in now! But alas I had no patience and I had my fun instead. I do not regret what I have done, but I know what I should have done and what I would do if I could do it again. In this day and age the reason why more and more of our generation are living at home is because we are immature. We have not grown up into real men. We talk as though we know the world, but at 20 years of age it's better to listen and take note of what people say. Work hard and you will be rewarded. Take on responsibility early and you will grow. Be patient and everything you want will become yours... money, house, car and family...


Family... yesterday my friend became a father for the first time. He is 30 years old and yesterday he lost 18 years of his life. He will probably go on to lose a few more years once a second child arrives, but he has to take responsibility now and for the rest of his life.

His baby son, Ethan, appeared in our world at 11.15am Tuesday 30th January 2007, weighing in at 8lbs 13oz. I saw him earlier tody and he was a fit and healthy baby. And in 18 years time he will be as big as me....

Time is passing us by. I have 29 years to match my father's achievements as well as my grandfathers. I have 29 years to become a father and raise children of my own. 29 years is a long time to me as it is my entire lifetime right now. But after 29 more years will I get another 29? Will I reach 87 years old? It's time to make things count and do things that matter. But I have to know that this will take time and more importantly patience... good things will come to those who wait.

I am waiting..... but helping things along with a little push! ;)

Thursday, 25 January 2007

Sad news....


Something happened for a third time in my life today. Someone I had a direct relationship with died. It was a girl I worked with, she was in a car accident. It really hit home and brought back memories of my grandfather.

It was only yesterday that I was talking and joking with her yet today and forever more I will not speak to her again. The office went eerily silent when we got told the news. No one knew what to say or do.

But life goes on and we still have a job to do, and by the afternoon people were trying to get back on top of things. Although we all knew it was a very sad day.

Tonight I went kick boxing again. I gave it my all because I am still alive. I can still achieve something. It is a shame it takes death for us to appreciate life, yet in a few days time this will all be in the darkest of our memories and we again start taking things for granted.

There have been things I have wanted to say to someone for a while now. It seemed appropriate to say it today. But I bailed out. I was still afraid. I knew I had to take my chances in life and today we a prime example, but I failed due to fear. Fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of the outcome… I was afraid.

I do not fear death yet I am afraid to speak. I do not fear pain yet I am afraid to be humiliated. I fear no one yet I am afraid of myself.

My last few words I want to offer my sympathies and condolences. I know it means very little at this moment in time. I hope that everyone affected will remember her for all the happiness she brought to their lives and that she may live on their thoughts.

RIP Claire Rooney.

Sunday, 21 January 2007

Who am I?

Obviously I know who I am. But who am I in your mind? What do I represent in your head?

I would love to know what people think about me dus to something a friend said to me last night. It was someone I had known for many many years now. Someone I see more often indirectly through other friends usually. But last night I spent an evening out with him and some others and when I was driving him home he said I was much more open and laid back than he thought. He always assumed i was a serious person who had the occasional laugh, but generally too things very seriously.

It makes me wonder how I come across to people in general. I know people are far too polite to be rude, but I'm a big guy, I can take it. Be brutally honest, or lie through your keyboards! I wouldn't know either way!

Looking forward to seeing some 'interesting' feedback... I hope!

Thursday, 18 January 2007

It's good to talk....

Talking has always been something I struggled with. I find it difficult to open up and talk to people in most cases and it's often because I don't feel like people want to hear about my story. I guess it's because I find it boring. I finished work last night and I sat in my room. My brother had gone out to meet some friends, my mum was downstairs watching TV and my dad is still in HK.

I had nothing to do. I was BORED. I could have gone out to the driving range, but I didn't. I could have gone to visit my relatives, but I didn't. I could have done many productive things, but I just sat there being bored! LOL It's just ridiculous! In the end I just went to sleep early, but that also meant I woke up early too! Just because my body is used to living off 6 hours sleep.

Anyway, tonight I was prepared to be bored again, go through the motion of doing nothing! But I got a surprise call and my night was lost amongst talk of love, life, death, laughter, past, future, family, EVERYTHING! It has been a long long time since I have had a conversation like this! Because it was so random and I had nothing to do, I just opened myself up and let out some of my frustrations. It was nice... thanks for the call! I don't know when it will happen again or how often, but it was nice to talk.

The week has gone by very quickly and I can't believe its Thursday tomorrow! The weekend is looking interesting and the week after it will be pay day! I think I over did the Xmas spending...