Time

Time... what is it? What does each second, each minute, each hour, each day, week, month, year mean?

I have found time to be both a great asset and also the cause of much pain. Time is but a series of events that can be related to our past. If we were to sit in an enclosed space time would have no meaning other than how long our patience can take it. I guess those with a pure mind and without love or hatred, without greed or jealousy, without anger or fear would be able to remain there forever. But the point is that this person will still age and die.

For my short lifetime I have experienced a lot of time passing me by. Lots of events which leave deep scars in my mind. Sometimes a second can last a year, but a day can pass in the blink of an eye.

Looking back at some of my memories I can clearly remember one of my first days at a new school. I was not a small boy at the age of 7 and whilst messing around in the playground I fell over and cut my knee. I burst into tears. Then another boy comes up to me and asks me why I am crying? I showed him my cut and he said that it was nothing and he didn't cry when he cut his knee. This boy was so much smaller than me! I looked at him and instantly stopped crying. From that day forward I have learnt to accept any pain and take it like a man. It is one of the most significant moments in my life.

Later on in my teenage years I had a crush on a girl I saw on holiday with my parents. Note I said 'saw' because I didn't even have the guts to talk to her! I just stayed back in the background. When I was back in the UK and the photos of the hoidays were developed I scanned them for a photo of that girl... There was nothing I could do now. It was my first feeling of heartache.

Time has provided me with much more pain and sorrow than happiness that I can remember. But then we are oblivious to the times that we are truely happy because we do not appreciate it when it is there in front of us. So maybe I have had some great times, but I have not treasured them...

One period in my life when time felt like it was standing still was the time I had an operation on my knee. Looking back I don't know how I coped, but it also seemed so quick too. I spent a solid 7 days hospitalised. The operation on my knee, as some people know, was to repair a cruciate ligament where a bit of tendon had to be cut from the top of my knee and grafted on as a replacement ligament.

Immediately after the operation I lost a lot of blood and there was a 6 inch cut at the front of my knee. But as part of the operation I had to mobilse my knee as soon as possible to aid the healing process. My leg was strapped to a machine which straightened and bent my knee a little at a time. This was strapped on for 7 days, 24 hours per day. I slept with it on... it was so uncomfortable. Time passed slowly....

Why am I looking at time in such a way? Well, the few days that has passed since my 'date' I feel a little down. the moment lasted but a few seconds, but to me it was a moment frozen in time. For those few seconds my thoughts were running wild and I didn't know what to think.

Time is such a strange thing that we are constantly measuring ourselves against, but why? It is the moments that really matter that we neglect. It is the times we should be appreciating that we take for granted. But during times of sorrow we hold on to these feelings for a long time.

I cannot control time or my perception of time, but maybe I can take control of what I want to experience in my short life. I just need to get up and fight for it... I know what to do. But will I do it?

You know what... I'm not totally sure about what I have written because I am in a 'funny' mood. I don't know if anyone will make sense of anything I say... I wish I had a greater grasp of words. Something I am sure I will learn in TIME....