Holding back my words...

It's been a week since I last updated my blog. I have been meaning to write something almost every night but I found it difficult to write down what I wanted to say.

Work is picking up with the end of the quarter next Friday. Our team has been set a target of $230K of renewal orders for this week so that we may earn a bonus. I managed to pick up $70k last week so hopefull between 3 of us we can each bring $80k! I need the money after a heavy month of spending!

I have been kept pretty busy by my friends during the weekdays with random last minute get togethers twice in a week! I also met up with a cousin I hadn't talked to in many years even though we are only a 10minute drive apart. It's amazing how time passes by without you knowing. We talked for hours looking back at the silly things we used to do when we were younger... 20 years ago in some cases! It's nice to find out what has been happening...

My success with women is somewhat positive, but I feel a bit uncertain about things to be honest. I am flattered that a couple of girls are very keen to get a date with me... I am a bit overwhelmed really. I hate the feeling of knowing more than one person likes me. I feel really guilty for letting any one of them down. But I am also very much a one girl guy. In fact I am so anal with my principles I will probably just not date any of them just so I won't feel guilty rather than choose someone I like more and make the other feel saddeded or rejected. There are a few other girls who are in the picture too...

For a guy like me who has been in 2 serious relationships, one lasting a year and the other for 6 years, I am not used to being so popular with the ladies. I sound big headed now, and to be honest I probably am just lying to myself to make myself feel good. The truth is I really don't know how these girls feel about me. I am happy that they enjoy talking to me and even wanting to spend time with me, but I really am confused as to where I stand with them. Have I got to play my cards before they play theirs?

Anyway... enough about my imaginative love life!

Today I went on my friend's stag do (he's marrying my cousin). I left the house at 10am and I got back just before 4am (18hours!). We started the day with a country drive to Aylesbury where we had clay pigeon shooting and quad biking. The sun was shining and the air was warm... until we reached the farm where this all took place. Then the wind picked up, the clouds appeared and we were freezing! But the day was great fun! I managed to hit 29/46 clay pigeons which I was pretty chuffed with. And quad biking was also really good, though it would have been even better had it been a bit warmer. When the event finished we all headed back to get cleaned up and ready for the evening...

The evening part took place in Reading where we had a meal at a nice Italian restaurant and then we tried to make our way to the bars. None of them appreciated 24 guys trying to get into one place. In the end we had to split into 6-7 groups and managed to wander our way into Walkabout. Some drinks and cheesy music as well as some power ballads later we tried again to find a pub that would take us in... alas none were receptive! SOOO as a last resort *rolleyes* we RELUCTANYLY went to the strip bar. I have been to a ones in London before and I wasn't very impressed. But this time it was really good. The girls are much more friendly and more like real people. And to be honest they were mostly better looking too! My younger cousins of 18-20 loved it and I bought them a dance each. I shouldn't go into too much detail as the bride might end up reading this so I will just say that the stag was very well behaved and did not get into trouble or anything bad!

In a way my week has been pretty good and lots of positives to take, but I have knack of adding a pinch of negativity into things. It's not that I don't want to be happy, but I just know the happier I get the sadder I feel when things eventually don't end the way I wanted it to. I remain reserved in my judgement until things are 100%... which, at this rate, I really can't imagine when that will be!

BUT I do have some good news for next week as I will be attending my graduation ceremony for my MBA. This time last year I was stressing over coursework whilst trying to prepare for exams and feeling rather depressed in seeing my cousins buying their own place with their partners whereas I was lonely and single and stressed and tired. It was not a good patch last year.... but 12 months on I have 2 properties, got my MBA, in a decent job and getting popular with the girls (or so I think anyway!).

I wonder where I will be in another 12 months time?