You know there have been a lot of things on my mind of late. It comes mainly down to the problem of women. Everything else in my life is pretty good. I have good friends, a good job with great people and I am probably the most healthy I have been for over a decade! But I have been writing quite delicately about my feelings and it is driving my crazy. I know that I have a few frequent readers from my blog counter, and that some of you are from HK, USA, UK and around Europe. I am pretty sure I don’t know all of you but thanks for dropping by. I am happy to have people find my life of interest! So I felt I should share how I really feel...
So what is it about women? It seems like I am doing quite well in terms of getting their attention just by being myself… but yet I am still single. Strange eh? Are the girls unattractive? No… Do they have an awful personality? No… Are they young girls? No…
Basically all the girls tick the right boxes and it’s my own fear of commitment. And where does that stem from? My ex.
It has nearly been 3 years since that sad day for me. It took me 2 years to get over her. But nearly a year after I lost ‘that feeling’ for her I am still at her mercy! Do I want to get back with her? No. Does she want to get back with me? No.
My problem is how quickly she has moved on again and again from one guy to the next. Seeing her this way makes me somewhat jealous at times for her ability to suppress the feelings we once had for one another. But I am also happy for her to find someone who can make her happy too! But inevitably I am saddened when it doesn’t work out and she is left feeling hurt. I try to remove myself from her life as much as possible, but the amount of time we have known each other and the close bond we developed makes it very difficult as she is probably my best friend…
OK… so I don’t want to be with her, I have lots of possibilities with other very nice girls. Why am I complaining?
My list of girls who I am interested in…. 2 of them have boyfriends, one is a friends ex, another 3 have approached me on an online dating site and then there is one other who I really don’t know if she is joking with me or not.
WOW… that seems like a long list! I should be flattered or I should be given a big ‘wake up call’ slap! These are the girls who I talk to the most and I have been on a date with a few of them, whilst others are trying to get a date with me…
I should be so happy! They are all pretty girls with really nice personalities and they all share some similar interests with me. But, I am finding flaws in them too… *sigh*. Am I being too critical? Should I just take a chance and see what develops? It is at this point that I wonder if the next girlfriend will be the one I marry.
It’s all good and well for me to have ‘fun’ with some of these girls, but I find it very difficult because I am quite traditional when it comes to relationships. It would just not be in my nature to act in this manner. And in a sense it is not commitment that I fear. It is the fear of rejection or my own regret at choosing to be with the wrong girl and wasting my time on a partnership that would not work.
There is just nothing I can do at the moment that would make things better really… In some ways I wish I could go back to feeling the pain I was in for the 2 years after my split from my ex. At least then I knew who I loved, and I had one true focus to complete my MBA. But today I have no other worries. The only thing that would make my life complete is to find my future wife… settle down and start a family. This dream seems very unlikely at this moment in time and my own negativity towards relationships failing is not really helping. I must be doing something right, though, if I am attracting girls… even with a face like MINE!!
I think I need some time to clear my mind. And I have a great opportunity at the end of the month when I go back to HK. I will see my grandmother and spend most of my time with her as I haven’t seen her in 18months! It seems quite depressing that I have spent such little time with my grandfather when he was alive. I should cherish the moments I have left with my grandmother now. And whilst I am there I would like to climb the mountain our family village is built on and see where my father and his fathers before him lived. I might be the last of a generation that will really care about family history and it would be something I like to preserve in my mind.
Just going back to relationships… I realised that there are probably many people who we are compatible with and could quite happily spend the rest of our lives with too. But it is the timing that is critical. I know that if I had met my ex at a later stage in life I think we would be married. Then there are girls who might be even better for me than my ex who appeared during my 2 years of sadness that I wasn’t ready for. The timing of who we meet makes a big difference on who are partners will be. I guess what is most important is that I find the right girl at the right time. The girl may have already appeared, but is it the right time for me and for her too?
So what is it about women? It seems like I am doing quite well in terms of getting their attention just by being myself… but yet I am still single. Strange eh? Are the girls unattractive? No… Do they have an awful personality? No… Are they young girls? No…
Basically all the girls tick the right boxes and it’s my own fear of commitment. And where does that stem from? My ex.
It has nearly been 3 years since that sad day for me. It took me 2 years to get over her. But nearly a year after I lost ‘that feeling’ for her I am still at her mercy! Do I want to get back with her? No. Does she want to get back with me? No.
My problem is how quickly she has moved on again and again from one guy to the next. Seeing her this way makes me somewhat jealous at times for her ability to suppress the feelings we once had for one another. But I am also happy for her to find someone who can make her happy too! But inevitably I am saddened when it doesn’t work out and she is left feeling hurt. I try to remove myself from her life as much as possible, but the amount of time we have known each other and the close bond we developed makes it very difficult as she is probably my best friend…
OK… so I don’t want to be with her, I have lots of possibilities with other very nice girls. Why am I complaining?
My list of girls who I am interested in…. 2 of them have boyfriends, one is a friends ex, another 3 have approached me on an online dating site and then there is one other who I really don’t know if she is joking with me or not.
WOW… that seems like a long list! I should be flattered or I should be given a big ‘wake up call’ slap! These are the girls who I talk to the most and I have been on a date with a few of them, whilst others are trying to get a date with me…
I should be so happy! They are all pretty girls with really nice personalities and they all share some similar interests with me. But, I am finding flaws in them too… *sigh*. Am I being too critical? Should I just take a chance and see what develops? It is at this point that I wonder if the next girlfriend will be the one I marry.
It’s all good and well for me to have ‘fun’ with some of these girls, but I find it very difficult because I am quite traditional when it comes to relationships. It would just not be in my nature to act in this manner. And in a sense it is not commitment that I fear. It is the fear of rejection or my own regret at choosing to be with the wrong girl and wasting my time on a partnership that would not work.
There is just nothing I can do at the moment that would make things better really… In some ways I wish I could go back to feeling the pain I was in for the 2 years after my split from my ex. At least then I knew who I loved, and I had one true focus to complete my MBA. But today I have no other worries. The only thing that would make my life complete is to find my future wife… settle down and start a family. This dream seems very unlikely at this moment in time and my own negativity towards relationships failing is not really helping. I must be doing something right, though, if I am attracting girls… even with a face like MINE!!
I think I need some time to clear my mind. And I have a great opportunity at the end of the month when I go back to HK. I will see my grandmother and spend most of my time with her as I haven’t seen her in 18months! It seems quite depressing that I have spent such little time with my grandfather when he was alive. I should cherish the moments I have left with my grandmother now. And whilst I am there I would like to climb the mountain our family village is built on and see where my father and his fathers before him lived. I might be the last of a generation that will really care about family history and it would be something I like to preserve in my mind.
Just going back to relationships… I realised that there are probably many people who we are compatible with and could quite happily spend the rest of our lives with too. But it is the timing that is critical. I know that if I had met my ex at a later stage in life I think we would be married. Then there are girls who might be even better for me than my ex who appeared during my 2 years of sadness that I wasn’t ready for. The timing of who we meet makes a big difference on who are partners will be. I guess what is most important is that I find the right girl at the right time. The girl may have already appeared, but is it the right time for me and for her too?
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