The turth is something we all seek, but sometimes it's not what we always want to hear or know. On Monday night I felt the truth kick in and I woke up to reality.
Up until that point I had been harbouring thoughts and beliefs that there might be a spark waiting to ignite a big bright fire. But what I saw was more akin to a match trying to light a wet piece of paper. It was never going to work.
It's much easier to hide behind a web of lies I had spun for myself and pretend that things were progressing smoothing when all that has happened is that I chose to ignore the signs. It was apparent from the beginning, but when you want something that bad you often try to lie to yourself to make a lie seem like the truth.
Right now I am not the happiest of people and I have been experiencing moods swings more frequently than before. Every time I experience this type of pain I am driven to do things to kill time and try to put the pain behind me. This time is no different. I am looking to changing my car, I have joined the gym and I am looking to play rugby again. It's such a predictable occurrence that I don't even believe I will do any of these things any more.
One day I woke up full of positivity and the next I am waking up and finding nothing good in my life. I guess I shouldn't be so blind!
Whilst I am in a reflective mood, I just want to say sorry to my mum and brother for losing my temper the other night... I can't blame the fact I am feeling depressed, as I am old enough and wise enough to know better. I'm sorry.
1 comment:
I wish I could help, all I can do is say you have my support, we all go through mood swings even though we know we dont want to. *hugs* is all I can give you..I wish I could help more..
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