Recent downturn in fortunes... and a more thoughts on life

A long break since my last update. No particular reason other than being lazy and not having much to say really. I contemplated 'blogging' a few times but I wasn't really inspired so I left it.

Certain things have played on my mind recently and though things are going pretty well, I find a small bit of bad news can have a big impact on me emotionally. Winning is a habit, but so is losing applies to how I am feeling too. Whilst I am feeling good, not a lot can damage my positivity, but once it gets bad then it becomes a chore to life myself up again.

There were times when I felt I could just blurt out my angst to all and not give shit. But I took time to think things through and realise it's not fair on people if I did that because it is not there fault I feel the way I feel. It's a personal issue that I have to place under control. People haven't changed, it's my own perception that has. It was probably more evident since my car had a cylinder failure resulting in a lack of mobility for a week and that also meant no gym! Something I really miss!

But there were some positives to be gained from being carless... I got to use public transport a bit more which I have never had many complaints about other than being restricted to travelling at certain times. I trained into town a couple of times during the week and I also trained out to London (seperate story to tell here...)! Having met up with friends in London for dim sum I then faced a dilemma of getting home. My friend offered me a lift to his and we hung out for most of the day. Bought a frisbee and chucked that around in the warm weather. Then he washed his car. Later that evening another friend picked me up to go bowling where I met up with some more friends who eventually gave me a lift home! It was wonderful the way I managed to work my way home from central London via network of friends!

Anyway, I want to go back to the issue of public transport. Maybe I am not a regular user of trains and public transport but I do enjoy using it when necessary. It takes the pain out of having to stay alert and I get to read and listen to music. Due to the problem on my car I had to take a train to London over the weekend as explained in the previous paragraph. I walked to the train station and as I approached I saw my train pulling up! I ran and just jumped on in time! I then went to see the ticket inspector to purchase a ticket, but instead I was told I had to pay a fine because I boarded a train without a valid ticket. I argued I wanted to catch the train and came to buy a ticket as soon as I could, but he was having none of it and gave me 2 options which meant nothing to me as he didn't really explain himself very clearly. In the end I paid the fine and bought a ticket.

Now, in my younger days I would have probably been really pissed off with the guy and probably wouldn't have gone looking to buy a ticket. But being more mature and older I wanted to do the right thing. I appreciate that there are rules and regulations in business and I was using a service. I can argue that the train was going to go to London with or without me, but I was using the service so I should pay. The ticket inspector was merely doing the same job I do day in day out, ensuring that our customers pay for the licenses and maintenance of our software. It's easy to be lenient and let things by, but that is not business and that is where companies fail. Adhering to rules and regulations ensure that a company is at its most efficient and although it was more than what I was expecting to pay for my travels, I did not feel hard done by.

This month is a bit of a quiet month for me because I need to get back on track with my finances now. Most of my time is being spent with my relatives rather than going out and it has been good. This weekend I will be going up to Essex for a BBQ and kick around with cousins, and the following weekend is another 'cousins' gathering at a Go Karting day. Before I know it, Christmas will be here! I have yet to decide if I want to go back to HK or not yet.

I feel ‘fat’ from not going to the gym for the last week due to lack of car. Can’t wait to get back in and working out again. I feel more alert and less fatigued when I have been going to the gym!

Something else that came to my mind today was the repetitiveness of our lives. Maybe it's just my own, but I have noticed that week in week out the same routine takes place. We spend Mondays to Wednesday talking about the weekend just gone and from Wednesday to Fridays talking about what to do for the coming weekeng! I guess my life is quite mundane at the moment. Stuck in a bit of a rut with visions of the future looking very foggy... I can see no further than a month ahead. I'd love to look further ahead and plan my life with someone but planning for one requires very little... especially when it is me. A guy who has pretty much everything and needs nothing.

Another take I have on life is how our short working years can be shortened and represented by a 7 day week. We work 5 out of 7 days which is almost 50 of our 70 years. How we choose to work and live can be represented within these 7 days. For some the week starts on a Monday where we would work hard and earn our money to spend over the weekend. Others may choose to spend over the weekend and work to pay off the debt. Our lives are very similar in that we can effectively work early and spend our hard earned cash or we can have our fun now and spend the rest of our lives paying for it.

The end result is very much the same but the lifestyle you live is very different. I don't know if there is a right way or a wrong way, but its our own way...

A 30 year old's blog

A couple of days into my 30s and I feel no different. I feel quite relaxed actually and I have just been continuing to live each day as normal with work followed by the gym.

Maybe I’ll talk about what I watched on TV tonight instead… Well it was on National Geographic Wildlife. I was watching documentaries about bears.

I have a fascination with bears. They are massive creatures with great destructive power and pretty much without predator other than humans. But even with their strength and power to kill they are relatively ‘nice’ towards humans in that most attacks end up without life being lost, which cannot be said for other wild animal attacks.

The bear is powerful, graceful and passive unless provoked… I like to think I am in a similar mould myself and if reincarnations exist I would like to come back as a bear! :)

Actually there were 2 programs on bears and the second focused on an ageing bear who used to rule the river where the bears fished. Unfortunately the bear was getting fat to old to defend his turf and he was over powered by a younger more hungry bear. I guess I kinda felt sorry for the ageing bear, but that is life. We get old and we get surpassed. We cannot rule forever and I think it is important to know this.

We all have our time on this earth and we need to make the most of the time we have before it is taken away from us due to nature and the natural cycle of life. But what comes around goes around and the ageing bear fathered a couple of cubs who one day may regain their father’s crown.

All I can do now is to make sure I keep myself fit and healthy and make sure I use the time I have left to its maximum potential. It’s easy enough to live a simple life and go through the motions, but I would like to make more of an impact. Maybe not in the sense that I become wealthy and powerful, but more in the sense that I have helped people and it is recognised.

Last few hours as a 20 something

I’m in my last hour of being 20 something…

30 years of being alive and where am I?

Will anything change because I am becoming a 30 something?

In the last 10 years I have managed to achieve some significant milestones which makes me feel that the next 10 years will mean even greater achievements. But in some respects I feel I am still at square one and I could be turning 20 again. I’m still single and I’m still living at home with my parents.

Positives and negatives are easy to pick out over a period of 10 years… but I think what is important is the experience, the learning and character development. Am I a better person than I was when I was just turning 20?

In my younger years I was somewhat proud and arrogant… traits I don’t think I have completely lost. I also assumed I knew more than I actually did. But as I have grown up I have come to realise the world is a lot more complex than I thought and reading books does not compensate for life experiences.

Quite simply, life does not read like a book. Things you read are usually of things that worked out and the difficulties THAT person experienced. No two lives are the same and until I experienced everything for myself I did not know how to over come the challenges that spring up from nowhere.

Sometimes I feel as though I am still a bit immature for my age and a lot of people are still telling me that being 30 is still very young. Young compared to who and what? Compared to other people who are still out drinking and having fun? I prefer to compare myself to my parents and the generation before. And in that sense I feel old and I feel as though I am a failure.

What is the big deal though? I mean it’s just another day really and I won’t change over night. Why the significance of a number?

I guess it is a defining moment and we all deal with things in different ways. I won’t be sad to see my 20s disappear into history. I won’t be happy to embrace the 30s. I will just be me and continue as I am now… Still thinking a lot, working and going to the gym...

Football United

It’s sometimes quite amazing what an acre of green grass with 22 grown men chasing a ball means to people of all nations and nationality.

Today I experienced that to its full effect. Chinese, English, Indian, French and American all watching the phenomenon that is foorball.

There was no hostility and no rivalry. It was pure admiration of the skills on show and the emotionally rollercoaster of seeing near misses, passionate tackling, athleticism, composure and great finishing.

We were experiencing the first 2 matches of the Emirates Cup, hosted by Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium. It was a beautiful day which lasted until we reached our car to make our way home.

If only the weather will be the same for tomorrow when my birthday celebrations begin and the reality of turning 30 sets in…

When hard work pays off...

So I have been going to the gym for 2 months now. How do I feel? I feel fit and healthy. I feel energetic and positive. I feel as though I have achieved a mini milestone in my life.

The truth is I joined the gym for a multitude of reasons… trying to get fit after I have quit smoking for coming up to 7 months now, considering the idea of playing rugby for my local team, preparing for trekking holidays in the future, prolonging my youth for a few more years… but in all honesty, I just wanted a 6 pack. I wanted to get the 6 pack before my 30th birthday and although I am not quite there yet, I am closer than I have ever been before! My whole body is toned that I can’t believe it. Hard work does pay off! Now I just need to maintain my rhythm and keep up the hard work and I will get a 6 pack, just not before I turn 30.

It’s no big deal really. I feel as though I have gone back 10 years rather than aged 10 years to be honest. When I was 19-20 I was pretty fit but then it all went downhill. After a long time of inactivity I have regained my desire to exercise and keep fit. I have rolled back those years and I really do feel great.

This weekend I celebrated my friend’s 29th birthday. A friend I have known for 10 years now. Looking back over the last 10 years a lot has happened and we have grown up and changed a lot as individuals. My close group of friends met whilst at uni and working part time. We spent our free time talking on the phone about shit and meeting up at least once a week to eat and waste our money on arcade games.

Ten years on those ‘bums’ are now working, a couple with double degrees. Driving nice cars … another has started a business… promotions coming round every year. It’s all so different and all so normal. Sometimes I look back and wonder why we did the things we did. Would be better off having worked harder in our youth rather than waste it away? Was it wasted or has it helped develop us into who we are today?

Regardless of the answer to the questions above, we are where we are now due to some of us working harder than others. There’s no secret to success in life. It comes down to how much you want it and how hard you fight for it.

Today, on the rowing machine… I had a choice to stop at 10 minutes which would have been a decent amount of exercise, but I chose to continue to 15 minutes. I know what I want to achieve and I will do everything I can to do so. Life isn’t so different… you get out in life exactly what you put in.

My recent thoughts

I have been quite at peace with myself lately. Going to the gym and exercising my body has helped clear my mind. It's true when they say healthy body, healthy mind.

Turning 30 had been a bit of a fear of mine, but recently I haven'€™t been too bothered. They say age is just a number and I have felt this to be true now that I am going to the gym regularly. I am healthier and fitter than I have ever been since I was a teenager. Feeling this way is very addictive... And to feel this way as I am turning 30, I feel as though it'€™s not too bad after all.

But then there are still my fears of being too old when I have my first child and also not finding the person I want to spend my life with.

I have reached a comfort zone in life and though I wish to find a relationship that works, I also fear that I am holding back because I am afraid of change.

At this moment in time, life seems very simple. You set yourself goals and objectives and you go about trying to achieve them. Upon success you could say you have had a good life. However we are human... we are never happy. Once we achieve one goal we move on to another.

One thing I have noticed is that the more we know the more we yearn. Take one of my favourite hobbies for example... cars. I used to obsess about cars. Buying magazines week in week out, sometimes subscribing. The more information I found out, the more I read about new technology and design the more I would want the latest and fastest car. The more I knew the more I wanted to compare my car with others in its class. But now, having weaned myself away from such literature I know relatively little about the modern cars being brought to market today. Which is why I am content with what I have. I know no better and I don'€™t really care either. I love what I have and I don't need to compare.

They say knowledge is power... but power just brings on greed and lust. Life is full of temptations which we do not try to avoid. Nor do we appreciate what we have around us. We are constantly worried about what we may have missed out on... when really, the only thing we miss is our own life.

I wouldn't say I am depressed at this moment in time neither am I in a reflective mood. What I am experiencing is a moment of clarity. This is my own clarity of course and I do not expect anyone to feel the same. One man's clarity is another's mud!

Ramble, ramble... that's what I seem to be doing now. Until another thought comes to my mind...

Had a great day....

I had a brilliant day today. Nothing special happened, in fact everything was rather ordinary...

The day started with a phone call from parents to say they are safe and sound in Hong Kong. My normal morning routine ensued and I was in the office for 8.50am.

Work was slow after a mad end to the quarter which coincided with the company full financial year end. There were a few reports to create and send out to our distributors before a team meeting where we were told of a reshuffle in the team structure due to being so efficient we are now taking on additional work in other parts of the world.

Home time for everyone meant gym time for me. I decided to stay a little later at work and head to the gym straight after to save having to drive out again after going home. It was a bit packed at the gym but out of the blue I bumped into an old colleague of mine and we had a brief chat about things. I managed to get most of my work out completed other than the stretching as the gym was too full. To compensate for a shorter routine I extended my rowing time from 15 minutes to 30 minutes. Making sure I was working in the optimal fat burn zone throughout. It felt really relaxed and I was pretty comfortable... so much so I think I could have rowed for an hour!

After the gym I ordered a pizza... Ok, not the best food to be eating, but I just fancied it as I haven't had it in a while. I settled in at home and put on Men in Black. It was a perfect end to an ordinary day. Simple things are often the things that please us most. I try not to expect too much then I cannot be disappointed. :)

How are my readers?

It has been a long time since I have written about me and my life. And the reason for that is because I have been busy.

Again I am at a higher point in my life where I am not stressing too much nor am I worrying about being single. I have found a new focus in work and in the gym. The last month has been a lot of hard work with some tense moments as my team and I tried our best to achieve the target set at the beginning of the quarter. In the end the target was smashed and it was a great end for the company in its first full operating year.

As for going to the gym, I had set my mind on getting fit to play rugby in September for a local team. But also I just want to lose some fat and get fit and healthy after 5 months of quitting smoking. So far I have been going to the gym for about 5 weeks now. And at least 3 times a week. The effects are showing and I also feel a lot fitter too. Actually I am getting very much addicted to going to the gym nowadays. So much so that I prefer to be at the gym than to go out and see my friends!! :S

The rest of my life so far doesn’t really exist. If anyone is expecting some juicy gossip about a girl in my life, I am going to have to disappoint you! There is nothing to tell. I have pretty much left it down to fate rather than work myself up over nothing. I want something to happen… but I guess I have to be patient.

Work, health, love… what else do I need to cover?

I am really enjoying my life at the moment…. Maybe its because I have set myself a goal with going to the gym… Maybe I am just not allowing myself to stress because I have no time…

Would I say this is a positive entry as opposed to a negative one? Yes… I would definitely say I am far happier now than I have been in the last few months. I’ll keep it short and sweet. Happy people have little to write about because we are only ever good at complaining!

Choices

Today I made a very simple and logical decision. I laid in bed after work feeling quite dozy... I could have just closed my eyes and fallen asleep, but I made a choice. I chose to get up and drive to the gym.

I guess life is a bit like this. We all work hard and we have a choice to make. Do we go and work a little bit more? Or do we stay in and rest on our laurels? It would have been easy for me to stay in and rest one day. I mean I have been to the gym 4 days in a row already... is it so bad that I miss one day? Should I let my body rest?

There are many excuses we find for ourselves in choosing to do things that make our lives easy. But we struggle to find reasons for working harder. I know it is not a battle I always win with myself, but winning is a habit and that is what I am doing now. I am winning. Each time I go to the gym I am getting a little bit fitter. You may argue that my body needs rest, and I will be resting it tomorrow.

Once I can find the motivation to push myself that little bit further I will be able to carry that in other areas of my life. I haven't always been lazy and I haven't always been this unfit. There were times where I had drive and determination... now, later than it should be, I am rediscovering this drive and determination. I have a goal to acheive and I will achieve it.

Random thought: Are trees and plants 'carniverous' in the sense that they 'eat' themselves (fallen leaves and twigs that have decomposed)?

Blast from the past

Since the purchase of my new car I haven’t had a normal day or work. Basically I went from my cousins wedding to taking a week off to help my brother at his café. Managed to get to the gym a couple of times and the driving range too… but I spent far too much time driving with the roof down! Over the weekend I drove to London and spent about 2 hours in the car getting sunburnt. Yes… I can get sunburnt in the UK even after just a couple of hours.

Well the final outcome is that I fell ill. I got a cold, or as my colleagues at work prefer, I had ‘Man Flu’. The WORST flu of all and is touted as the reason dinosaurs became extinct. Luckily I am so fit and healthy I was only bed ridden for a couple of days! A lesser man would be out for WEEKS!

However, being ill meant a perfect opportunity to upload photos I had taken of the wedding and also gave me a chance to scan and upload some old photos I had. Many of these are pre-digital camera days… Hell some of these were taken before many of my friends were even born!

Anyway, I posted photos of the wedding and my new car along with my Hong Kong photos on my imagestation. But I also selected a bunch of photos which had my mug shot in and placed them on facebook too. Some of these photos were of the rugby teams I had played in and all my friends from college.

In the middle of putting these photos up I was added as a friend by a guy I used to live and work with 4 years ago! It was so totally random, but it was cool. And before I knew it I was being added by some old school and college friends! People who I haven’t heard from or seen in over 10 years were appearing suddenly. And a little digging around led me to find even more friends! I never thought I would get to talk let alone see any of these people again… but I guess that’s all changed!

What is quite amazing is that the last time I had seen or talked to these college friends the world was a totally different place. A place where mobile phones were still quick an expensive novelty, the computer was running Windows 3.11 and the internet was via dial up but only very very tech savvy families had it! Email didn’t even exist as far as we knew! Most of us could drive but had no car. Facial hair was still waiting to appear. Relationships meant a snog. This was when I was 17-18 years old in 1995. Those days were about DiscMan and Doc Martins. Those days were about having fun and not caring about the world. Those days we had no fear… we were MEN.

The funny thing is that most of these people still look the same albeit 12 years older. I just wonder what I look like in their eyes. This window of 12 years… what has happened in their lives? Some have married, some have moved abroad, some are still bumming around, some have even left us. Makes me think how people have drifted apart, yet the internet has managed to bring many of us back together again!

So, although I have been ill for a couple of days I have not felt this good in a LONG LONG time! My voice may almost be gone due to having a sore throat and having to talk to distributors at work, but I feel really good from the inside out. Now it’s just a case of finding a time to get together and meet up with some ‘old friends’….